The Seven
Deadly Annoyances
Stop committing any or all of these
crimes Immediately!
Thanks
1. Do NOT think that feeble excuses take
the place of doing what you are supposed to do. Intelligent people throughout the world
want RESULTS. Excuses are NOT a good substitute for getting the job done! Look for ways to
OVERCOME, ADAPT, AND IMPROVISE, so that you can succeed. Always remember that failure with
an excuse is still failure.
2. Try very hard not to exaggerate. Be
precise. Remember that describing things accurately is usually a good thing.
3. Do NOT beg, plead, whine, drool, or
have a come-apart when someone tells you NO. When you argue and whimper it just makes
folks look around for the bug spray.
4. Do not ever start a conversation with:
“You know what?” If you really want to tell someone something then just come out
with it! Do not make us guess!
5.
Stop making the little crappy
quotation-mark symbols with your fingers to emphasize a point when you are talking. It
brings out the violence in otherwise calm people.
6.
Do not ever wear a baseball hat or visor
backwards (unless playing catcher) or sideways. If you do not know how to put on a hat
properly you should not attempt to wear one at all. Are you a member of an inner-city
gang? Are you garmentally challenged? How big was the bus that you rode to school?
7.
Stop letting your pants Sag. No
explanation is really needed here. The only people who are not laughing at you are the
people who want to smack some smarts into you.
8.
Do not use the word “literally”
to emphasize a point. This is unnecessary. Just tell the truth and we will believe you.
9.
Do not think that you are cute or hip by
saying “my-bad” after you do something stupid. “You are heading in the
right direction for a smacked bottom, Donkey” (Shrek)
10. Do
not sprinkle the words “like”, “you-know”, or “uhhhhhh” in a
most mindless fashion throughout a conversation. Please plan out what you are going to
say, and then speak clearly, concisely, and with eloquence.
11. Please
leave God and the swearing to God out of most (if not all) conversations. Take
responsibility for your own actions and destiny. Self-reliance is a good attribute for
everyone to take pride in, and to develop.
12. Do
not ever tell someone to smile, and/or ask if they are having fun yet. Nobody ever wants
to hear this drivel. Ever!
13. Do
not ever take pride in an act or condition of ignorance or stupidity. Be proud of yourself
and always strive to improve.
14. It
is possible to be “disrespectful” toward someone. Do not ever say that you
“disrespected” someone. This is a Jerry Springer show misuse of the word. Do not
ever imitate those imbeciles.
15. Do
not even THINK of asking if you can “have” anything here in the majestic wood
shop. If it is not yours you should not want to have
it. Make one for yourself and then you can
have it.
16. Sub-idiots
should refrain from swinging big sticks about in an attempt to resemble a retarded samurai
with painful diaper rash. This does not
impress anyone smarter than a dog.
17. Do
NOT make people repeat themselves. Learn stuff the first time that you hear something, and
then do not forget. A first indication of idiothood is to forget everything that you hear.
Try to be impressive at all times. A good memory is a good start!
18. Do NOT ever ask anyone or anything for a high-five, or raise your hand for an idiot-touch bonding moment. Great things usually do not require a slap-party celebration.